Logline Blogfest

Published November 1, 2010 by LS Murphy

Yes, I’m a glutton for punishment and PRIZES! I love prizes.  There is another lovely blogfest that I just had to enter.

The contest can be found here: http://steenaholmes.blogspot.com/2010/10/logline-blogfest.html

SO here we go:

**Revision #3** Sixteen-year-old Quincy Amarante is well on her way to achieving her only goal in life, to be the “It” girl of Rancho Valley High, and she’s determined not to let a little thing like training to become the fifth grim reaper get in her way, even if it may cost her the most precious thing in the world: her life.

**Revision #2** Quincy Amarante is well on her way to achieving her only goal in life, to be the “It” girl of Rancho Valley High, and she’s determined not to let a little thing like training to become a grim reaper while she’s still breathing get in her way, even if it may cost her the most precious thing in the world: her life.

**Revised** Quincy Amarante’s only goal in life is to be the “It” girl of Rancho Valley High and she’s determined not to let a little thing like becoming a grim reaper get in the way, even if it may cost her the most precious thing in the world: her life.

Original: Quincy Amarante’s only goal in life is to be the “It” girl of Rancho Valley High and she’s determined not to let a little thing like grim reaping get in the way.

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23 comments on “Logline Blogfest

  • I love simple loglines. But I did have a couple questions.

    What is an “It” girl? Does it mean the most popular? Not sure.

    and I wasn’t sure if you meant that she actually becomes the grim reaper or if the grim reaper is after her.

    Once those two points are cleared up, I love it.

  • Hi there,

    Okay, so I think the goal and conflict are pretty clear (and fun!), and the goal tells us a bit about the MC, but what are the stakes and what is the inciting incident? What is the starting point of the plot? What happens if Quincy doesn’t become an It girl? And saying it like that makes me think we actually don’t know her goal because it’s hard to imagine that any important stakes are riding on her becoming popular.

    Good luck!
    Vicki

  • Ha! I love the simplicity of this. I agree with the comments above. With some specifics–like why would she want to be the “it” girl and how does she become a reaper–this’ll really stand out from the pack.

  • I really like this but suggest some tighening:

    Quincy Amarante’s only goal in life is to be the “It” girl of Rancho Valley High and she’s determined not to let a little thing like becoming a grim reaper get in the way, even if it may cost Quincy her life.

  • Great job on the revision! I struggled with a revision on mine today but decided to stick to my guns, so good for you!

    I really have nothing to critique. You took the advice of others and made your work better – the entire point of this community…nicely done!

  • I like the idea, I just want a *teensy* bit more information.

    I’ve been playing with it, but I don’t know enough about the plot to give you a viable alternative. Questions I have – how many grim reapers are there and why is she becoming one? Is it a family business/curse? Did she do something wrong? How far does she have to go to be the “It” girl? Is she an outcast? How does she plan to get there? Makeover? Date hottest guy?

    There’s no way you can include all these answers in the logline, but I want just a little bit more.

  • I like your logline. It’s simple and flows well. My only suggestion is you may consider changing the “it” girl to the most popular girl. Also, and this is just my type- A personality coming out here, but the first thing that came to mind was, why would a grim reaper worry about losing his/her life? After all, they are spirits. Perhaps you may consider explaining the reason your heroine is mortal. Just my curbside. I hope this helps. Oh, one more thing, FWIW, I’d read on. (;

  • Hey LS, I think you’ve got a neat idea here. It’s great to see how you’ve revised according to comments. I’m afraid though that I’m stumbling a bit across Revision #2, and because of that I’m actually drawn to Rev #1 more 😦

    I’ve been trying to work out what’s bothering me, and I think it’s how the bit inside the commas flows (incidentally, I think that’s the bit you’ve added since last revision). Also, I’m a little confused what may cost her her life – and how training to become the grim reaper while she’s still breathing is linked to becoming the “It” girl??? I wonder if the confusion is, in part, because the logline involves concepts I’m not familliar with – ie how can you become a grim reaper, why does she need to train, what does breathing have to do with it, etc etc.

    I wonder if you’ve thought about switching the emphasis of the logline around, by starting with the grim reaper part, and then explaining how that’s affecting her life by preventing her from becoming the It girl??? Then the challenge is her overcoming that obstacle so she can achieve her dream. Anyway, it’s just a thought which may not be true to your storyline, so discard if necessary 🙂

    Hope my comments help 🙂

    Rach

  • I def think the last is the best- sort of Buffy meets Grim Reaper with the training, which feels fresh. I don’t have too many questions, because I think you have just enough in this logline. The only thing I do think is that you could clean up the last line to read “it may cost her life.” I sort of assumed becoming Grim Reaper would mean her Earth life would be gone and she’d go to where it is you want her to go. If it were something else, a love or if you want it to be popularity, or a future, then I get it LOL

  • Well, it’s comforting to know that I’m not the only one who is struggling with the logline. I just posted my fourth revision and am about to start on the fifth,phew. When this is over I plan to turn my computer off for a day and enjoy a nice glass of chianti.

    Anywho, moving on, I like the latest revision, and your premise is interesting. I’d read more. The only thing I’m still stuck on is, since Grim Reapers are spirits/angels why is your M.C. fighting for her human life? Otherwise, your piece flows well and expresses the conflict. Best of luck on this.

  • I love the voice. I have a feeling the story is written in the same style which would be cool. I’m curious to know what an “It” girl entails, does she have certain expectations to live up to that conflict with being the grim reaper. Definitely one of the lesser seen YA ideas.

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